Another day of my escape.

Today, I'm off but I have to dress like I'm going to work or else they will let me stay in the house and do everything because I'm off, not allowed to take a rest or relaxed but just to serve them because Im staying with them without any charges like money involve know but my life involves. Most of the time I want to stay home without make up, without even had to dress up, I want to mesmerize, I want to just sit or lay down on the bed watch tv and go outside do everything I want but most specially i want to sleep take a rest and fell relaxed but how am I suppose to do that when, I have to do these and that cook meals for the kids make everything for them or somebody's waiting for somebody and I have to wait for them, its just that I can't breathe anymore. I want to be on my own but I want to have my own crowd like my own family like husband and kids its just that I can't force it to happen. I don't know I'm so anxious about it :( like, I would die alone. I want someone who will hold my hand and never let me go. I want someone to love me in same way Im loving the for equality. I felt like Im the only one who loves a lot, Im the only one gives a lot but Im ending up being alone, ended up not being to chose from, not being prioritize. Im so desperate I want to have someone in the future, someone who will complete me and someone i will complete. Now my mom is gone I want to change my life but I cannot force something to happen just like that Im so left behind Im getting old and Im so far away from others who's same ages as me. Please Lord, help me lagi na lang ako yung may kailangan, lagi na lang ako yung may kulang. Please sana umayon naman sakin, ako naman yung kumpleto ako naman yung masaya, ako naman yung hindi kayang pakawalan. Ang dami kong oras na nasasayang sana makagawa na ko ng way para hindi ito masayang.