Two moths to go and I'm 34 :(

Now, my off day again and I'm bored :( I wanted to go to the gym but there is a membership fee :( It's a bit odd because I have no extra money for that because I'm always short :( I have big earnings last December and January but I just paid it all off because my bank account got negative, because my cousin borrowed it and it has no funds for the check, so it bounce it happens many times because you know I can't complain because I live with her :( I can't have my own life and my own home so, I can't fight about it. So we had the deal, that I'll just pay for my negative account and she'll pay for my $145 class because I got the run the red light so, I have to pay the $340 it has plan that I'll pay for that 2 months $170 each i think and, since I cannot pay it in full it has another fee :( plus that negative bank account of $200 plus, my cousin is so wise she pay for my $145 class and I pay for her $200 plus for making my bank account negative by putting bad checks over and over again on my account, but still, NO WAYS OF FIGHTING AND COMPLAINING BECAUSE I'M LIVING WITH HER AND I OWE HER THAT and for my mom also :( I'm tired of this shit, same old shit, same everyday shit of being taking advantage because you're not fighting back because you have no choice even if you had all the triggers that points all on you poor me... oh well, like is unfair, you can't always live a life. I'm getting old no friends, no boyfriend, no family. I seriously cannot wait until all the pieces come together and I finally understand why I went through everything I did. I distance myself for a bit and I realized everything :( I'm not outgoing at all, with friends because I've got no friends to go out at :( I didn't experience to go to school here so, I've got no childhood friends or high school to go out with. I'm here when I was already 26 years old I finished schools until college in the Philippines so, now I'm here I can't figure out how can I be friends with anyone. Honestly I have nobody to talk to being polite with me I tried making friends but it didn't work out the way I wanted. I just wanted simple things but it doesn't turned out to be as that. I've been in my comfort zone for 8 years and still making my way out or, shall I say waiting for it to passed by because its just permanent and I don't have to be like this forever but its been a long time :( and I'm getting desperate I can hit two birds with one stone its just so slow :( its killing me everyday. how can I surpass this? how can i overcome this? the moment I'm trying my best it the moment it pours everything all out, all at the same time I can't handle it anymore :( I never really enjoyed America :( I've been to Las Vegas for like 5 times but in that 5 times I tried to be as happy as I posted pictures and portraits on facebook as I smiled on my selfies, behind that I wanted to disappear. I've been to La California and San Diego California but every time I had this smile on my face my mom would ruined it, every time we we're walking together she won't stop whispering to me trigger things and when she would finally ruined my happiness and destroyed me that's the time she will stop I'll fight her back then my cousin will get mad at me for some reason they would make me feel I'm so mean it took I think 5 years my cousin realized how my mom victimized me for so long, that she thinks I'm the mean one. So, my Aunt give me everything to be in New York I had one week vacation there, but I had this debt to pay like $500 a month I didn't enjoyed it for a reason that somebody is messaging me about that $500 to pay because he saw me on tagged pictures in facebook that I was in new york well, I don't have money for that its all for free even my airfare that's suck! I love New York though! NOW, I'm in present time and I couldn't bear living with it same shit everyday :( I'm so anxious about the future would I still be happy, is there something for me? When can I enjoy myself and the beautiful places in America? I tried making friends but... CRAP!!! I feel like an asshole begging for them to make friends with me like I'm forcing them to like me, I'm pleasing them the way I could, like please make friends with me... So, I just quit... If they just want me to be their acquaintance then so be it :) I have no time to beg for someone who doesn't like me. Then somebody has a crush on me, I thought, well, I thought of making friends with him and then I had this hesitations of making him as a friend but still... I continued, then I felt a little bit odd and awkward until I finally felt intimidated. Because if you're asking me for a date, date me to place that looks romantic and nice :) not on just food court on malls, well, its ok if you're my type of guy but please, DON'T ASK ME FOR SEX I WOULDN'T GIVE IN JUST A SNAP I'M A WOMAN YOU SHOULD TAKE SERIOUSLY ON RELATIONSHIP AND YOU WOULD GIVE SOME COURTESY AND RESPECT IF YOU WOULD KNOW ME I TELL YOU I DESERVE THAT! Now, if you're looking for someone to be your past time to satisfy your pleasure or your imagination JUST GO OUT THERE AND FIND SOME SLUT WHO CAN f***K YOU I CANNOT BE YOUR FUCK BUDDY STUPID ASSHOLE!!!